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A complete siddur
(prayer book)
for the period of bereavemen
The laws and customs of the year of mourning.
More Past Question's and Answers Page
The Yahrzeit Organization takes no Halacha responsibility for the answers given and advises every one to consult with their local Rabbi at all times.
The following are questions and answers that have been collected over the years.
Top 20 Question's and Answers
Kaddish Question's and Answers
General Question's and Answers
Our
Torah is going to be buried in the very near
future
During
the first year after the death of a parent, does one say
Yizkor
Eating
with the bereaved family
What
does one do with the garments cut during
shiva
Last
year I had a miscarriage
What
is the prayer for lighting the 24 hour memorial
candle
Children
born on the day of the new moon
Non-Jewish
mother passed away last year
Why
do mourners take three steps back
Are
there any other prayers for the deceased
My
Gentile father passed away in August
If
one is unable to make a "Tikkun" in
shul
Why
is the Kaddish speak of such joyous praise for
God
What
is the exact definition of Yahrtzeit
11
months that Ishould say Kaddish
Which
days one is supposed to light candles for a deceased
parent
Do
you have yahrzeit on the birthday of the
deceased
Appropriate
or customery gift
Can
I use any candle for a yahrzeit
Q)
Our Torah is going to be buried in the very near
future.
As the Family Educator of our congregation, I am writing to
you for help locating resources to help explain the process
to the children.
We are also gathering books and old tallism for a "g'nezah".
Do have resources that I can use in explaining this scared
place?
A) You should contact the biker cholim chevra kadisha
they will be able to help you.
You can call rabbi yosi handler at 718-837-6228 tell him
that I told you to contact him. sincerely Rabbi Yd
Webster
Q) During
the first year after the death of a parent, does one say
Yizkor?
A) Yes
Q)
Is it appropriate for visitors not members of the
bereaved family to eat in the house of mourning after the
funeral?
A) If they are good friends, there would be nothing
wrong with it. Halachaly it is allowed!
Q) Please can
you advise: what does one do with the garments cut during
shiva?
Are they kept, should they be buried after the week is over,
are they destroyed?
A) Some Rabbis say they should be thrown away, others
say you can sew them up.
You should consult your local orthodox Rabbi.
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Q)
Last year I had a miscarriage. I am not Jewish, but the
father is. As I prepare to deal with the grief of the
anniversary date, which is soon, I find myself very much
wanting to say Kaddish. Is this allowed? Can a non-Jewish
woman say Kaddish for a child lost in a miscarriage? If so,
please give me an outline of how to do this. Do I light a
candle? What do I say? Do I say Kaddish in a synagogue or at
home? Etc.?
A) A child is not considered a child or alive until
birth and a live birth at that, so therefore under Jewish
Law there is no such obligation and it is not allowed! This
is so for the rest of the questions as they all fall under
the same catagory.
Q)
What is the prayer for lighting the 24 hour memorial
candle?
A) No Prayers is said.
Q)
Is there anything in Hebrew/Jewish tradition about
children born on the day of the new moon. I am asking for
myself since I was born on the new moon, and my life has
been anything but ordinary. Just trying to find the meaning
of many things in my life.
A) Not that we know of.
Q) I am a Ger and
have been an observant orthodox jew for more than 10 years.
My mother passed away last year and wonder whether it is
appropriate to light a candle for her and on what date
(English or Hebrew)
A) Although you are a Ger and the Halacha is that you
do not have parents in the eyes of the torah with regard to
observing any laws. However, there is nothing wrong with you
lighting a candle if that is what you would like. One would
light it on her English day.
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Q)
I have been asked a question regarding the Kaddish which
I cannot find the answer to [if there is one]. Why
do mourners take three steps back in the recitation of the
Kaddish? Is there an answer; rabbinic or otherwise?
A) The reason we take three steps is to show respect
to Hashem ( as if to take leave of Hashem )just as when we
take three steps after reciting Shemona Esrai.
Q) I
say Kaddish for my parents and brother, but are there
another prayer as appropriate to honor them.
A) Please see http://www.yahrzeit.org/mishnah.html
Q) My
Gentile father passed away in August. My Jewish relatives,
friends and I said Kaddish at his gravesite. We also filled
in the entire grave by ourselves. Then I said Kaddish during
the High Holy Days. What are my responsibilities from an
Orthodox point of view. When is Kaddish said. I know I
should be attending services daily for a year, but I am not
Orthodox. However, I do want to understand the law.
A) Your Father being Gentile would leave you with no
responsibilities in Jewish law.
Q#2) What if my father had been Jewish?
A#2) The what if would be too much to answer in an
e-mail.
Try getting a book called Mourning in Halacha at
www.artscroll.com
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Q) If one is unable to make a
"Tikkun" in shul the morning of the yahrzeit, is it
approriate to do so in one's home the previous evening? If
the yahrzeit falls on Shabbat, would an Oneg Shabbat in
one's home on Friday night in honor of the departed be
appropriate?
A) If one is not able to make a Tikkun in Shul you
may make it at home. The purpose of the Tikun is to have
people make Brachos and the reason why they are making a
Bracha is because of the departed person and that is the
Tikkun
Q) If you would
be so kind to answer my question. I just read the English
translation of the Kaddish for the first time. The words
speak of nothing but joyous praise for God. Why then, is it
spoken so mournfully as a dirge, in remembrance of the
dead?
A) It is designed to comfort the mourner and have the
mourner come to terms that the world has a Creator and
propose and each person has a job (as to say) to do and when
its done its over.There are dozens of reasons why it is in
the format it is in as well as the language and even the
letters that are used but this is beyond the scope of this
e-mail.
Q) Hi, I
am a college student and I am doing some research on
Judaism.I have had trouble locating the exact definition of
Yahrtzeit and was wondering if you could help.
A) Remember or Anniversary is most common
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Q)
Could you please confirm the last time within the 11
months that Ishould say Kaddish? My father died on May 3,
2000 (well before sundown). I've had two answers. One was at
Minchah on March 22, 2001, and the other was at Minchah on
March 23, 2001. Could you please advise which is the correct
date?
If I may be presumptuous enough to ask a second question, a
fellow congregant's Mother died on March 11, 2000 (well
before sundown). He has also been given two answers, January
27, 2001, and January 28, 2001. Again, could you please
answer, which is the appropriate date for his last Kaddish
of the 11 months?
A) The only reason not to say Kaddish for 12 months
is for the person saying not to think that the parent was so
evil they require a full year of Kaddish.
Some very grate Rabbis paid students to say Kaddish for them
as long as 2 to 3 years.
With your father say till the 23rd and for fellow
congregant's Mother saytill the 28th
Q)
I'm not sure if this is the correct email address for
questions about Yartzeit. Could you please tell me which
days one is supposed to light candles for a deceased parent?
I know that the Yizkor service is on Yom Kippur, Passover,
Shavuot, and Succot. Are Yartzeit candles lit only on the
Yartzeit date, on the Yartzeit date and Yom Kippur or on the
Yartzeit date, Yom Kippur and the other three Yom Tovs?
A) Yes on the Yahrzeit Date and all three Yom
Tovs.
Q) Do you have
yahrzeit on the birthday of the deceased? Is there any
special prayer, etc. on the birthday?
A) No only on the Death.
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Q) I was reading
about the Jewish Naming custom on your website. It sounds
like a wonderful tradition! I am a Christian and am
unfamilar with the custom. I have however been invited to a
Hebrew naming ceremony for friends of mine. I would like to
do something special for their daughter but I am not sure of
what is an appropriate or customery gift. Any
suggestions?
A) No suggestions just something they would like
Q) Can I use any
candle for a yahrzeit or if I wanted to make one can I?
A) You can make one if you like.
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